Monday, June 19, 2006
So I got to thinking
It has been awhile since I actually posted a real post. The reason for that is that I really don't have anything to say and I haven't really wanted to write. Every so often I get in this state of mind that has me not wanting to have anything to do with thinking or learning or anything. For those that know me I love to read and I usually read a lot. To put into perspective just what this funk is like, I have been on the same book for over a month now. I have actually forgotten what the beginning of the book was about. Will I go back and reread it? Probably not. I will just finish it off at some point and hope that the information is floating around somewhere in the vast expanse that is my brain. Some may say that maybe the book is not interesting? I don't think that is the problem at all, while the book is not what I would consider a must read or a page turner it does deal with something that I tend to be passionate about and has a lot of good facts and insight that will be very helpfull in the future. Well, enough about my lack of reading and onto more important things. So I got to thinking...... why am I like this? Is anyone else like this? You see I think I go full out for weeks or months and I tend to fry my mind, and it takes some time to cool down enough to be able to start putting things back into it. It reminds me of a radiator cap on a car. You all know what I am talking about. Your car starts to overheat and steam comes rolling out of the radiator cap but you know (or at least you should know or you shouldn't be driving) that you shouldn't open it right away or the pressure from the radiator might send boiling water all over and you might get seriously injured. Now I know some die hard car guys and gals will tell me that the caps that they put on cars nowadays have a pressure release seal. Well you go ahead and open it right away I will wait a few minutes, Thank You very much. Once the pressure is released and the water has cooled to a less threatening level then you can start investigating what the problem is. I think I am de-pressurizing as I speak. Life is changing so fast yet not changing at all. What I mean by that is that I can see some things in motion in my life that will come to fullness sometime in the future but back here on June 19th, 2006 life goes on at what seems like a snails pace and nothing much happens. All I want is some nugget to hold onto now of a future occurence that will give me aim and focus.I want something tangible, something I can put my hands on and grab ahold of. Something fresh and new. The same ole thing has gotten pretty boring and tired and somehow all the promises of a better day have blended into the old routine of life and it feels like I have been down this road before. I hate going down the same road all the time. I am a restless person. For example as most of you know I live on the East side of C-Bus and our church and my friends all hang out on the West side of the aforementioned city. I come out there alot and on my way back home I usually go different routes. I get bored taking 270 all the time so I switch to 70E but after a time or two it gets boring so I take 670E (I love the view of the Columbus skyline from 670 at night), even this gets boring after awhile so if I have enough time I will take Broad Street or 104, etc.etc.etc.. So I guess my point is that I would like to see something new and fresh and make it a surprise please! Does anyone else have these feelings or is it time for me to seek professional help?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
10 comments:
I think everyone gets frusterated, I get frusterated alot. I usually find that I get crazy like that when I feel that I am not moving. Part of that comes from "THE PLAN" which I am not going to explain, I just get mad when things are not on scheduele. Then little things start to bother me. I can usually get out of it though by starting to learn something new or making myself take vacation day - you know being completely totally unreachable for at least 24 hrs. And turning off my mind, which is a little harder, but there is not that much mind to bother with and it is easily distracted so you know, it all ends up the same. Umm what was I talking about? Oh yeah, Good luck!!! from Houston
WHAT??? Working with me is not the greatest joy in your life??? I'm shocked!!! :) Talking at work is not ideal so here's my 2 cents worth-you have had a couple of pretty big adjustments lately-new job and new place to live plus that you're on one end of town and your friends are on another-not easy. I know what it is like to have one day roll into another and feel as though your entire life is one big dejavu experience. You don't need professional help-you need to get out of your comfort zone, I think. Do something you wouldn't ordinarily do or go someplace you typically wouldn't go by yourself-you just need a little "shaking up" so to speak. Reality is though-you probably just need to get to Nicaragua-and relax by working someplace different. Again, just my two cents worth
I do think that you need to seek professional help, but not for the reasons you listed. ;-)
Proverbs 13:
12Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when dreams come true, there is life and joy.
My instincts are to say
1) You need to go now. There's no reason for you to have your "hope" deferred. You're just becoming idle hands here, so you might as well go now. No wonder you want something fresh and exciting! hahaha...
2) But, you have already said NO to that for whatever reasons you feel like are good and true, so... my next thought is that you need to work your vision and plan while you're here. Just because you have a vision of what your life is going to become doesn't mean that it exist only out there ---------> in the future.
So...what? You have this picture of what's going to be? And, so? You're doing all the same things you've always done? And so... You won't just go now? Why should things feel any better, worse, different. You're not doing anything different as it relates to your vision. Make the two things meet now. Make what you're going to do THEN meet your every day reality NOW by creating more of a plan for your vision than what you have in place now.
A vision doesn't necessarily require immediate action, but it does require immediate preparation. Is there more that you could be doing to prepare for your changes?
You might have needed to de-pressurize, but only so you could see a little more clearly what to put your hand to next, not so you could do nothing. And Craig, I really am just being dramatic. I'm not TRULY implying that you're doing nothing!
Specifically:
What opportunities do you need to begin praying for? (not what do you already pray for)
Who are the people who could help you accomplish your vision?
What changes would need to take place in their thinking in order for them to support your effort?
Write a simple plan.
Step 1, 2, 3, 4.
I think Elvis said it best and most concisely:
"A little less conversation, a little more action please
All this aggravation ain't satisfactioning me
A little more bite and a little less bark
A little less fight and a little more spark"
OK where to start with this. This post was originally written as a "here is what is going on in my life" type of post. Here are the things that are on my mind. It was a way for everyone to know me in a little deeper way.
Cristi it was great to hear from you and thank you for your insight. I love the idea of being unreachable and it is one I have used in the past. Maybe it is time to bring it out and dust it off. I hope all is going well for you in Houston and we are looking forward to having you back here in Columbus where you belong.
Tammy-I know you were kidding around but I have told alot of people that the biggest plus of working there is that I get to talk to you everyday. It's nice to go to work and know that there is at least one person there that genuinely cares about you. As far as getting out of my comfort zone.....I have felt that this summer would be one of a clearer vision and have a fresh perspective and I have thought for a long time now that Nicaragua would provide the catalyst for that.
Barb- Thank you, thank you, thank you. What you have written is dead on. I know I am where God would have me be at this point in time. I just don't know how long that will be. I get anxious to be doing what is perceived as the "greater" thing when in actuality it's ALL for Him and His glory. The reason for this post was just for me to be vulnerable to you all and show you my warts and all. Show you the human side of Craig and the things that I deal with. I thank you Barb for your wisdom.
OK, now for the two headed person. Robert and Angie..... Where do I start with the two of you???? I think that I am most disappointed and hurt by the response that I received from the two of you. Angie you said (And Craig, I really am just being dramatic. I'm not TRULY implying that you're doing nothing!) but your entire post was one of insinuating that exact thing!!! The comment that you left came across to me not as loving but correcting and not as a friend but rather as a spiritual guide or a teacher of sorts. Robert I don't know how to respond to your Elvis quote. While I thought it was funny and witty and all that jazz that isn't what I needed or wanted from a friend at this time. It seems like a case of piling on. I have taken steps to move forward and you know that, you have been a part of that process, both of you. I continue to ask God for direction and ask him for what "opportunities I should be praying for".
I was telling a friend the other day that I think the biggest problem people have in understanding me is that I will think out loud and I will reason it out loud. What I mean by that is that I will write or say things that are going on in my mind as a way for me to process them and work through them. It doesn't mean that I am necessarily at that place or that I will stay at that place. I reason things out by putting words and yes action behind them. I have to try something and then either fail at it or not. I have a problem thinking in the abstract, I want to see it played out. Now back to the reason for this post. Again it was one of stating the things that I am dealing with in my life. I have felt that God for a long time has wanted me to be a little more open about my life and my struggles and fears. In order for others to get to know me better and in return to afford me the opportunity to get to know them. I realized a long time ago that most people don't open themselves up to being known by others on a deeper level. They may ask you to open yourselves up to them but they themselves are not willing to open up. God showed me that someone has to be willing to take that first step and say "OK here I am, let me show you my warts. Have you peaked into my closet? Take a look at that dirty laundry!"
People will inevitably hurt you and in fact you may have to go through a lot of people and open yourselves up to them before you find someone willing to do the same for you. But in the end we were made for relationships and not just the superficial stuff. We were made to go deeper, after all we are the image of God and God looks at the heart not the outside appearance of people.
So in conclusion, this is me!!! These are my daily struggles. Will you help me with them and be a friend? I will promise you that I will help you with your problems and that I will be there for you. I trust with full confidence that God has a plan and a purpose for my life. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I seek Him with my heart, mind and body. Therefore A+B=C. I trust God +I seek His will for my life= I am where He would have me be for now!!!
I was listening to a Todd Agnew CD today and I came across this song again and it seems to speak to this situation. It is simple but to the point.
I need a little more sunshine in the middle of rain
Need a little more joy in the middle of pain
Need a little more color in the middle of this plain jane
Cause I've looked as deep as I can see
And I think I need a little more You in the middle of me
I need a little more patience in the middle of stress
I need a little more beauty in the middle of this mess
Need a little more substance in the middle of this emptiness
I need more of You and less of me
More of You and a little less insanity
More or you and a little less complexity
I've looked as deep as I can see
It seems more of You is better for me
I need a little more rhythm in the middle of this lazy rhyme
Need a little more spontaneity in the middle of this daily grind
Need a little more truth, not music, in this world of lies
This head of the two headed person will continue the conversation in private.
Craig, I've been accused of being insensitive before, and I guess this is another case of me flaunting my insensitivity, but I refuse to agree with you that you are spinning your wheels in aome sort of "waiting period."
It's just not true and I won't encourage it. And I know you said Barb was "Right on," but I disagree with her, too. (sorry, Barb)
"Maybe you aren't supposed to be doing anything right now?" Even in times of resting and recharging you should be doing something and you know that, hence the feeling of restlessness.
I do agree with my mom that you've gone through some big transitions this year and that, therefore, your feelings are understandable. Totally. If this were a therapy session, then this would be me validating you. I agree completely. Big changes = Big emotions.
I just don't think waiting for the boredom to end will actually make the boredom end.
I can only apologize that what I said made you feel attacked. I would never do that to you.
I don't know, Craig, maybe I missed something in what you wrote, but it seems that you are looking for a little action in your boring everyday. It also seems to me that there are options all around you to solve that problem. You just need to grab onto them.
I agree with Cristi that "everyone gets frustrated." I get frustrated, too. The question is: "What are you going to do about it?"
Perhaps that's not what you want to hear, but in answer to your question, "Will you help me with them and be a friend?" The answer is yes, of course. As long as you're willing to accept what I have to say as a friend. I can't promise to only say the things you want me to.
Boredom and restlessnes doesn't necessarily equate to inaction. Again I truly believe that I am where I am supposed to be because I ask God everyday to place me in His will and I earnestly mean it, I am NOT just paying lip service to it. I will obey, sometimes grudgingly, but I will obey when HE tells me to move or to go. Every situation and every interaction that we are in can be a training grounds for us for the next step that God would have us to take. For instance working at your Moms workplace has already brought about opportunities to witness to others by my words,deeds and actions. They see me praying over my food before I eat lunch and they know I go to church with your Mom so they know I am a Christian. At first they were constantly apologizing for there off color humor and other things. When I told them that they should just be themselves around me and not worry about the other stuff. (Now I am not trying to start a big conversation on what I should have said or what is the best way to handle that situation, I would never join in those type of things and I trust that the Lord will bless me in that and also use that as a opportunity to speak to them but it should be Him speaking to them and not me). One man even came up to me and said , "you know I respect you for what you are doing, going to Nicaragua and working with children". That has opened a door to this person and I am asking God to show me how to bring His message to this person in a way he can relate to. On my second day there another person came up to me after hearing that I was going to Nicaragua and told me that he has been all around the world (and he has been all over)and he said, "I guess I have just been searching for something my entire life". "I even have been to India seven times because I figured a country with that many people and religions would have the answer, but it didn't it was not real". WOW. Is that not a opportunity to speak truth into his life about the power of the cross and what Jesus can do for him. And that it what I am doing. I have shared a little of my story with him and how Jesus has changed my life. This guy always seeks me out while we are working to talk. Now the people that work here are what most would call the unlovable or the uninvitable (as Tom said last night). But if I truly meant it when I told Jesus to send me wherever He wanted and I ended up here at this time in history then I need to be looking for opportunities here and now and I am. You see inaction is only when you do nothing in the situation that God has placed you in. The only two things we can control are 1)will we follow Christ 2)will we obey Him when He tells us to do something. I have said it before and I will say it again. I have absolute certainty that I am where I am supposed to be at this time. The problem lies within me, as it usually does. I have my own idea of what it looks like to serve Jesus and where I want that to be. I still believe that will happen because God has placed a passion and a desire within me and He will bring it to fulness. But when we submit to Him we must be willing to go to the places He sends us even if it isn't what we want. The training grounds are in the hard places and in the dirty places and in the paces that take us outside our confort zone. Who knows how the many experiences I have had working with almost every conceivable type of person in Columbus will pay off on the foreign field? Sometimes I think I don't have a lot to offer to others in ways of services to them. But then I hear God ask me. "Do you love me?" And I answer yes Lord I love you. "Do you trust me?" Yes Lord I trust you. "Will go where I send you and do what I ask of you?" Yes Lord ,send me, use me. "Then believe me when I tell you that I can use even you for that work, just allow me to work thru you. It's not about you anyway, it's about me".
You see guys my reason, as stated in my last comment, for this post was to show you my warts. I may not have fully explained why I was writing and I apologize for that. It has definately caused confusion and disagreements. That wasn't my intent for THIS post. It's a way for me to say I am dealing with pride, and selfishness and impatience and restlessness and all these emotions. But I believe , as Cristi said, we all deal with those things. But that is what I need prayer for. I am always trying to jump ahead of Gods timetable for my life and I usually come to a place where I realize that (I am here)and I take a deep breath and say, "OK Lord show me what I am to be learning in this situation, and what should I be doing. Who would you have me to tell about your mercy and grace and love?" After all it is about Him and not us.
Post a Comment